You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
