no, he came in my armpit
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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