the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
