You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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