Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
