be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
