I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
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I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
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Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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