There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
