he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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