Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
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I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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