I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize