I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
