Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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