and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
