And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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