Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
