I think I won the penis lottery.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
