One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
