And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
