I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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