This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
