So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
