I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
