I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
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I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
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nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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