i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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