Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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