Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
