I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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