the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
