how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
