Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
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you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
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I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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