I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
