there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
