Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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