she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
