My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
