I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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