I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
