if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
