do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
