fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
