Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
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my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
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Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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