Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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