Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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