i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
