I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
