I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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