Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
