after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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