Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
