I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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