Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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