after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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